I had this weird dream last night, I was being chased by a guy with no face while being encouraged by an ancient black woman.
What do you think it means?
Thatâs its time to get a gun, a motorcycle, and head to Colorado via Nebraska.
M-O-O-N, that spells Captain Trips.
Oh, FFS, we have enough of those around these parts. 
I was out sick a few weeks ago for a whole week with what the Urgent Care NP deemed to be an âacute upper respiratory infection with fever,â because my flu test came back negative. 
I think it was Thep who wanted me to come to his work place and breathe on his company nurse. 
been coughing for three weeksâŚ
Iâm not going to lie, part of my inner anarchist wants to be Coronavirus Patient Zero that grinds all widget production to a stop at my facility just so I can say my asshole boss told me I had to see the company nurse before he would pay me my sick time.
Do you work with this guy?
I feel like I should be making an underground bunker in my back yard and stocking up on non perishables for when The Revolution errrrr I mean the Coronapocalypse gets here.
Also hoarding flu meds and bottled water for future resale value.
Typhoid Mary?
Corona Theppy???
Iâm just stocking up on booze and weed in case the booze and drug store people get sick. Oh, the horror.
China allocated $16B to fight the virus.
I think that works out to be about fifteen bucks for every person in that country.
And the US House just committed $8 billion or so, I read.
Constellation Brands, the company behind Corona beer, have offered up to $15 million to help change the Coronavirusâ name to the BudLightvirus.
Executives at Constellation are thought to be âincredibly concernedâ with the rising publicity of the deadly virus, that has so far killed over 100 people and have pledged an initial $10 million to change the Coronavirus name to âliterally anything elseâ with a further $5 million if the name change is BudLightvirus.
So why the new name change?
âWell for one BudLightvirus really rolls off the tongue doesnât it?â Constellation CEO Bill Newlands told CNN. âAnd when you think of a disgusting virus that forces you to cover your nose or mouth if you come into contact with it, you think of Bud Lite so we feel the new name is more apt.â
âI mean how many people have died from consuming too much Corona?â he added. âProbably no one. Bud Lite however? Probably millions.â
âThe name doesnât have to be BudLightvirus we would also accept the MillerLiteVirus, the HeinekenVirus or even the CoronaIsActuallyReallyGoodForYouVirus.â
If the offer isnât accepted, Corona have not ruled out the potential of suing the virus for defamation and have already submitted a cease and desist letter to the Coronavirus, demanding it stop killing people.
Gonna guess that the BSJ is the top development affiliate for The Onion?
I drove to Colorado a couple of summers ago and the direct route is through Nebraska.
I should have looked for Hemmingford Home.
Did you at least see the Stanley, in Estes Park?
Fare thee well, my Patriot compatriots. I havenât been so close to death since my beloved wife fed me botulism peanut butter